01.25.07
Posted in Computing, Gossip, Humour, My Life at 1:20 pm by Matt
Today, in our first SE24 lecture Owen announced some lavish prizes!
Normally when Owen gives out lavish prizes they are of the chocolaty, coconutty variety. Today though, the prizes were for the highest marks for SE20 coursework. Although I waited with baited breath in case someone had managed to beat my 95.5% average, it was no surprise that I took first prize. A girl named Mai took second place and my esteemed colleague and house mate, Kieran won a very close 3rd place. Between us we got £200 in bonds out of Microsoft. Quite ironic that myself and Kieran are amongst the most vement anti-Microsoft students in the year.
To add to this we are now due to meet a Microsoft representative in a few weeks time. I wonder what I should say. I obviously cannot be rude, this would be bad form. On the other hand I don’t want to give them the impression that I am a fan of their company’s software (or their business ethics for that matter).
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01.01.07
Posted in Politics, Rants at 4:19 pm by Matt
I was disgusted to be greeted by the front pages of the newspapers this morning. Almost all of them, including the usually tactful and tasteful Guardian, featured a picture of [recently deceased] Saddam hanging from his neck. Even regional and local papers including the Yorkshire Post were on the band wagon.
Once again we, the hapless captives of the media, are subjected to feverish repetition and over stating of a one sided argument. Even though the world has no stopped since his execution, reportive journalism has as nothing else can get onto the front pages until we’ve all seen, understood and accepted the message - “The war was not in vein, we have served ‘Justice’!” Many people believe we have a ‘free press’, well I say that is complete dogshit, you have got more chance of getting a free Mercades-Benz.
As a professional cynic the reasons for this execution are perfectly clear. Firstly it was to validate for the public what the war was in aid of (ridding the world of evil dictators, nothing to with oil at all) and to tie up the loose ends which could link western governments (and more importantly individuals) with Saddam’s regime and the crimes he committed. Lastly, it also served as a warning to any other dictators who are thinking of going against the USA.
Saddam was, in no way, an innocent man, but neither are the people who ascended him to power in the first place. Surely now he has been hanged, we should hang those responsible as well? You may well be asking “Who are they?” Well they are in fact the same people who removed him after supporting him in the Iran/Iraq war (where he was the good guy) and opposing him after he decided to invade Kuwait (nothing to do with oil here either) in the Gulf Wars (where he was the bad guy), for more details about the rise of his regime and the involvement of our governments read this article.
It is a much hushed fact that Saddam’s rise to power was a direct result (and intention) of a CIA orchestrated coup. This is never mentioned in the media, neither is the fact that the USA and UK had no problems with his chemical weapons being used against Iran nor that Saddam is not alone in causing atrocities and death in the region. When the CIA executes a regime change they need to do a lot more then just assasinate the head of state and replace them. They need to quell any uprising or resistance. This is usually done by rounding up any political adversaries, activists and trade unionists and torturing and murdering them en masse. When Saddam gained power, many of the people he murdered were ultimately at the request of the CIA. Will any CIA agents or directors be facing the gallows? I doubt that very much.
What is certain though is that the backlash from this will be of epic proportion. Any Muslim cleric who wants to spread anti-western messages (thankfully a minority in the UK) now has even more ammunition. So insurgence, violence and death will break like an epidemic in Iraq and oil will continue to be a point of focus. Terrorist attacks will continue with greater ferocity and frequency here in the UK which will mean the further segregation of Muslim communities. This will lead to more recruits for terrorists and so it will all snowball right out of control. Basically, this could well be the catalyst which sparks the beginning of the end for us all.
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12.08.06
Posted in Humour, My Life, Politics, Rants at 11:06 pm by Matt
A while ago I went to have a chat with Damola Timeyin, our communications officer regarding some questions I had about the Union.
On many points he did not have a definite answer for me and as yet has not responded. On others he has given exemplary answers. The main thing to mention is that the Union does not have an anti-blogging policy. This is apparently a remit of the Old Bar management (obviously not the Union).
Also societies are still free to flyer on campus but Sabbaticals are going, instead we will have admin staff to do the ‘nitty gritty’ work and society committees will do the remaining job of a sab. We still have no answer on whether or not the marketing department are being overly ruthless by not giving concessions to societies where appropriate.
Damola is a good guy, and I will certainly consult him before writing liableous conspiracies about the Union in future. My apologies to the General Manager Leslie Dixon. I hope my comments did not offend you personally. I understand my comments were groundless, but I wrote them more in satire then genuine conviction.
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10.29.06
Posted in My Life, Rants at 7:43 pm by Matt
Today was our Paris Hitch RAID. There were about eight of us positioned around the town centre that was surprisingly busy for a Sunday.
At first things seemed to be going well, the people who are up and in town at 10am on a Sunday obviously have a good heart [church goers maybe?] as everyone that stopped to donate gave at least a quid.
Things steadily deteriorated as the general population crawled out from under their rocks. Most people avoided eye contact, some stopped to check how much change they had, and walked off without donating after they realised they had no copper coins. I seemed to attract all the hecklers today, I had more of them then people donating. By the end of the day I had;
- Countless sneers and disapproving looks
- a dozen people say ‘NO! Ugh!’ when I asked them if they’d like to give to charity.
- at least five smart asses tell me they had their own children to save [ahahaha! You’re about as funny as Family Guy in Swedish]
- a few people answer my shouts of ‘Any spare change’ with ‘Yes thank you, yuk yuk yuk!’ [the spare change in your pocket has bacteria on it with a more sophisticated sense of humour then you do, retards!]
- two guys [separately] tell me to get a job and give my own money to charity
- and one woman ranting at me about how all charity gives its money straight to millionaires, refused to believe different, called me a lier and spat at my feet. [I hope you get hit by a bus tomorrow and no-one goes to your funeral, you bitter and spiteful bitch!]
Some of the girls did better, contrary to to a certain persons opinion, its not all about effort, its about effort and a nice pair of breasts to entice the hordes of simple-minded, football shirt wearers and dirty old men. Still I did have fun standing outside Starbucks shouting “Starbucks sucks, Save the Children Rocks!” and outside McDonald’s shouting “McDonald’s Murder children with heart disease, we Save the Children with fresh water and an education”.
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Posted in Computing, Gossip, Humour, Rants at 5:29 pm by Matt
One of my Tae Kwon Do instructors, Mr Murray is a software developer who works mostly with C++ and C#. He has a degree in Computer Science which included UML modelling. I asked him if he ever used UML at work. He laughed and told me that he wouldn’t know a UML diagram if he saw one, nor would any of his colleagues, he only uses flow diagrams to figure out the logic of a program etc.
So I have to ask myself; “Why have I just spent four weeks listening to Owen insisting that UML is an important part of the Object Oriented design process?” Well its clear UML is more about illustrating design concepts to non-technical, suit-wearing, yes men then it is providing programmers with a useful framework.
This still isn’t very useful, what is the point of displaying all this stuff to the white collars, who all nod their heads enthusiastically, if it all gets binned before a programmer even types a ‘#include’ statement? NONE! The whole ‘Analyst’ concept seems like one of those jobs created just to make a wage for somebody, just like marketeers, or PR consultants, generally people who are paid to state the obvious. What really kills me though is the fact that these pen pushing, diagram drawing, analysing assholes, who do nothing of real ‘value’, get paid more then the crack squad of C programmers under their control!
That sucks, so does UML and I HATE HATE HATE IT!
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10.27.06
Posted in Gossip, My Life, Rants at 2:12 pm by Matt
Normally I really enjoy helping out in SE15 lab sessions, I always relish the chance to encourage our budding young programmers, some of whom are doing incredibly well.
However, there is always an issue with the “computers to first years” ratio and we [the helpers] often have to ask [note the emphasis on ask] second and third year students to come back later. Most students are more then happy to either relocate to Eniac or grab a coffee or three before coming back after the session was over.
Oh if only it could always be the way! I approached a group of three girls all scratching theirl heads over the AI22 coursework and asked as politely as I could if they’d mind coming back later. They certainly did mind. I’ve never seen such pretty faces contort into such grusome sneers as the blonde one protested “WE HAVE COURSEWORK TO DO, WE HAVEN’T DONE IT YET! BESIDES WE’RE ONLY USING ONE MACHINE!!!!”
Did I deserve such harsh barating? I only asked, I am nothing but a loley happy helper doing my job. This encounter totally sapped any enjoyment I normally get from working in the labs [so thanks if you’re reading].
They were only using one machine, but there were none free with four 1st years waiting, how selfish! So what if they have coursework, what do they think the 1st years were doing? They have coursework too and the lab was booked for them.
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10.24.06
Posted in My Life at 1:47 pm by Matt
As all computing enthusiasts will know, it is often very hard dealing with our elders. They either seem to be complete technophobes, or they try to get to grips with computers but keep making ‘n00b’ errors, which they invariably quiz you about later.
I have one extreme technophobe, my Grandmother, who proclaims that she is ‘Too old to learn, computers are for young people’. I also have a n00b for a father who cannot type an address into a browser correctly because he is baffled by the array of slashes and dots. No matter how many times I try and explain how they all have a common structure (www.something.com etc) he continues to try and access webpages such as www/.google.com/uk. . He has told countless people that his email address is narevell ‘at’ dssweb ‘dot’ gov ‘dot’ uk ‘dot’. No matter how often I remind him to drop the last ‘dot’, he still does it ARRRGGGHH!!
There is a saving grace in my family, my Grandpa (from the otherside of the family to my technophobe Grandmother). Several years ago he was given a computer and a free dial up internet account. He of course made all sorts of errors that you’d expect a novice user to make. He then started getting a bit adventurous and trying to do some complicated stuff.
He often b0rked his PC this way and of course rang myself or my cousin for assistance. What makes him exceptional is the fact the we only ever had to tell him something once. If we explained why opening a binary file in a text editor and saving it again after removing all those blank boxes causes his programs to crash, he would understand and never do it again. Once we’d explained what Google was and how to use it, we never had a [technical] phone call from him again - he just googled all his PC problems and solved them himself.
When he chats to me online he greets me with ‘Hi Matt how ru?’ and often shows me all sorts of interesting websites he’d found. Sometimes his investigative skills put my own to shame. He is an example to us all, you are never too old, nothing is too hard, you just have to put your mind to it.
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10.14.06
Posted in Gossip, Politics, Rants at 6:39 pm by Matt
Lately I’ve noticed a lot of very unnerving activity surrounding our union. We are all led to believe that our union is run “Not for profit, just for students” i.e. It is run purely for the benefit of its member, us, the students of Leeds University. How true is this philosophy today?
First of all, I heard it said [from an unidentifiable source] last week that the General Manager of LUU receives a salary in excess of £70k a year. The General Manager is appointed, not elected, our elected Sabaticals earn a maximum of £14k by contrast. I’m sure the General Manager’s job is a lot more taxing then that of the Sabs, but still this disproportion doesn’t seem very “Not for profit” to me.
Also, the RAG Society and [as I understand] Nightline are no longer incorporated union bodies, yet the positions for RAG and Nightline co-ordinators are no longer going to be elected [as of next year], they will be appointed instead, how the hell does that make sense?! I bet the new appointees next year will be the GMs chums and will get a lot more then £14k a year.
Leeds City Council made a fantastic ruling this year; they made it illigal to flyer without a permit, which costs £75. This has meant all those wankers handing out crap have pissed off! Excellent! However, the rules on campus appear to be a little different. It would seem LUU is allowed to give permission to people at its own dicression, and only those that flyer without LUUs permission are liable for prosecution. LUU has obviously allowed flyering for ALL of its club night events, giving them a monopoly over the clubs in town, this should boost profits nicely.
What is astounding though is the fact that societies were not included in the “allowed to flyer” list. So if RAG wan’t to advertise an event such as Speed Dating, or the Paris Hitch-Hike (basically anything where LUU doesn’t get a cut) they have to fork out £75 to do so with flyers. NICE ONE!
The railings outside the Union have also become a saleable commodity. A fee of £15 per day is payable. Again, there are no exceptions for RAG or other societies. If you want to direct people to the Riley Smith Hall, the railings is a great place for a sign, but you have to pay for it now folks!
The area outside the Union used to be a nice place for a quiet sit and chat, although every now and then a few special events meant the space was used and sometimes noisy. Now this area is a constant circus, where we have more and more companies giving out “free” samples to try and “reach out to student” which translates to big bucks being paid to LUU in exchange for access to the students’ most intimate setting - OUR Union. We now also have to put up with all sorts of engenius ploys to grab our attention, such as guys with plasma screens and blaring jukeboxes strapped to their backs parading outside OUR Union.
LUU also has an anti-blogging policy, gagging all of its employess from even mentioning the union, let alone mentioning anything that was potentially damning. It is a Zero Tolerance Anti-Blogging Policy, which begs the question - What are they trying to hide? If you ask the GM he’d give you a beautifully prosed speil about LUUs commitment to transparency and free speech. If you ask me I’d say “Something big, if they had nothing to hide they’d have nothing to fear from their employees blogging”.
They are scared of something coming out, so if there are any LUU employees reading who know something, come find me and I will blog about it - They cannot silence me, I dont work for them, those bitches work for me! (or at least they are supposed to)
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10.12.06
Posted in Humour, Rants at 7:04 pm by Matt
Down the road from our house there is the most tasteless car in the world ever. We cannot comprehend what these people were thinking.
Originally the car [a mk2 VW Golf] was a rich, deep burgundy. Not everyones taste of colour, but it looked pretty swish. The heretic owners decided to modify it. They painted over the shiny metallic burgundy with bubblegum pink acrylic paint. If that wasn’t bad enough, they spray painted all the hubcaps and VW badges gold and added a black, white, grey pattern on the bonnet. I have included this photo for you shock and horror.
Why would anyone do this to a car? Are they deranged and convinced the car was too smug and needed humiliating? Are they really that desperate to get peoples’ attention as they drive down the street? I dread to think what kind of birds you could pick up with a ride like that!
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10.10.06
Posted in Gossip, Humour, My Life, Rants at 10:32 pm by Matt
This evening we [myself, Graham, Sarann, Kat, Kieran and Claire] went to the CheeseSoc social at The Pack Horse, which promised “all you can eat” cheesy pizza feast for £3.
Unfortunately, it didn’t quite [deep] pan out that way, the organisers had severely underestimated the amount of cheese and pizzas that would be needed to live up to the expectations. As the pizzas were spread too thin [and crispy] all we got for our money was two small slices of pizza (though very nice cheese pizza, possibly the best I’ve ever had) and a go at the quiz. Lucky’s was a stone [baked] throw away, they may not be as luxurious but you certainly get a lot more cheese pizza for £3 there.
Now I’m not having a go at CheeseSoc, especially since they only just broke even on the event, and it was fun overall. I’m certain the next pizza feast will be more successful. Even so I must say, I was a little cheesed off.
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