I miss Walthamstow and everything in it, and how it all was back in the day.
I miss my old flat; the dodgy peach wall paper, the dodgy cigarette smell, the tiny kitchen, the giant texaco sign in the hall way, the hole in the wall. I miss having the place to myself, I miss having all my buddies over, I miss being able to chose which. I miss my dad dropping by to get high with us.
I miss my job; I loved the people I worked with, some of whom I still talk to but others I will never see again. I miss the sense of purpose and belonging, I miss the responsibility, I miss having a wage, even a really shit one. I miss the Tryst on Friday evenings.
I miss the Garage; though it is still there it will never be the same again. I miss the freezing cold, the smell of dead chickens, the damp and mouldy sofas, the hot boxing.
I miss The Standard; I miss Supersonic, I miss watching bands like Route 215 and Cider, I miss the watered down Stella, the watered down steps outside the cab office. I miss the atmosphere, the people that I’ve met there. I miss getting so drunk I nearly fell into a coma.
I miss my friends; I miss Gaz (rest in peace mate). I miss Lee, Andre, Nathan and Claire. I miss Eddy, Damien and Sam. I miss Martin, Sarah, Al and Daryl. I miss Matt, Dave, Lewis and Saher. I miss Beccy. I miss Tessa. I miss Joe. When I think of all my best memories, you guys are all there. I miss going to the Dome and other dodgy clubs. I miss all the random parties, the random talks, the random nights down the pub and at the town hall.
I MISS MY OLD LIFE!
I know it does no good to look backwards, to dwell on the past. However, those who know me best might understand; the problems and issues that I am struggling with now didn’t start to manifest until I was about 21 and certainly didn’t become some troublesome that they interfere with my day to day life until recently. Since I came to uni, they have become so pronounced that I would give anything for them to go back to how they were before.
For that reason I can’t help but hanker for those good old days (even though I know they weren’t really that great) where everything seemed to work out, where I was able to relax enough to go out and enjoy myself properly. When I felt like I had everything and anything was possible and the stage was set for a bright future. Now I feel so jaded and dissolutioned that I look back at those days, shitty as they were, and feel that I’ll never have it that good again, that it’s all down hill from here and I have nothing to look forward to. I hate feeling this way, but its reality right now.